Ma Vie d'Autrefois, Ou est-ce Encore la Même ?

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

So Far.....

Well, so far, today hasn't been as good of a day as I thought it would be.
That said, the day isn't over, and all is not lost!!!

We went to the US Embassy by train today, and made it this time!!! Yippeee!!!!!

At the embassy, we had to wait a while for them to call me up. We were sitting by the cashier's line. The cashier's card reader died. So they couldn't accept credit card payments, only cash. So Fabrice left to go get cash. They called me up while he was gone. Since the form I needed to have notarized was a form allowing John to get a passport for Morgan so that she can come visit me this Christmas, and since the said form is required by the US Government, Department of State, no less, having it notarized at the embassy is free. They charge something like 30 bucks, otherwise - aren't notarizations free back home in the States where so many more things are LOGICAL?! So, anyway, he left to go get cash needlessly. While I was waiting for the consul who was to do the actual notarization, I met a sweet woman who grew up in Monterey. That was cool.

I miss home.

I wanted to go take pictures afterwards, but Fabrice was in a mood. So we both made our separate ways back to the train station, and then took the train back to Tournan and came home. He seems to be calmer now. He's only been taking his new medication for a few days, so I guess I shouldn't expect miracles. And, I DID give it a month, so.... Things are better than they were. That's something, now, isn't it?!

More later.

Love to you all.

A New Day

Today looks like it will be another good day on the Fabrice front.

We're leaving for Paris by train, shortly. After two days of trying to go to the US Embassy to get a form notarized so that Morgan can get a passport and come visit in December, we're going to try another route this time around. We spent something like 7 hours in traffic jams over the past two days. We left over three hours in advance for an appointment at the embassy. An embassy that is maybe 50 miles away. It should be better today.

I can't wait to see my baby girl!!!!

Inspired by my friend, Nicole, I am going to draw 100 flowers/plants. It took me a very long time to decide what to draw a hundred of. In the meantime, Nicole has drawn 2 sets of 100 teapots (the first set of 100 of her teapot art can be found here). Well, she's at 198 out of 200 (See her lovely, beautiful work on 100 More Teapots, here) according to the latest report. I wanted to draw one hundred somethings, but I couldn't decide what to draw. Now, considering that I have well over a thousand photographs of flowers and plants in my flickr site, I thought flowers to be the logical choice. I like flowers. I like plants. I love everything that lives. And some things that don't.

Like books. Except I believe in my heart of hearts that books, too, are alive.

I am presently reading an amazing tome, Les Disparus, in French, although it was translated from American English. The original title is The Lost: A Search for Six of Six Million. It is by Daniel Mendelsohn. I will write another post about the book, once I have finished it. It took me many pages for the book to truly capture my interest. Now, I cannot put it down. It's so intriguing.


I will do my best to post an update later today or this evening.

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Better

Okay, we can breathe a little. Today was a better day; or, so far, so good, with Fabrice.

And that's a GOOD thing!!

Sunday, October 28, 2007

Réussir sa vie

Réussir sa vie c’est de lui donner un sens.

Having a successful life is giving it a reason.

Success

Il y a un temps pour réussir dans la vie
Et un temps pour réussir sa vie.

There is a time to be successful in life
And a time to have a successful life.

~Brigitte Bardot

The Problem Must Be Me

That said, I don't know what to do about it.

Every single time I dare to love, the person is an alcoholic, or abusive, or aggressive, or suffering from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder or from Depression, or has little to no self-esteem. Or is afflicted with some combination of the aforementioned problems.

And so, it doesn't work.

The two times I have fallen in love with someone who did not fall into one of the above-listed categories, I sabotaged my own success. First, of course, with S, and then with my feelings for D, whom I didn't even tell I cared for until after I had married, assuming that L was the love of his life, that I had no chance, that I wasn't worthy, or whatever.

I want to know what I need to do.

How do I go about either falling back in love and helping to fix a man that war and trauma and love and life and children and disappointment have broken, or find the strength to let that fragile soul go, and move on?

What am I supposed to do with me? How do I solve the problem that I am, since I keep finding the broken people, people I cannot fix. People who cannot really love or give freely of themselves, weighted down as they are by despair and affliction?

Saturday, October 27, 2007

I am Not Responsible for the Deficit

I woke up in the middle of the night the other night, or looked awake, in any event, to proclaim that,
"I am not responsible for the deficit."
"What deficit?" asked Fabrice.
"The country's." I replied. (Well, duh!!!)
"What country?"
No answer.
So, in case any of you wondered, dear readers, please, always remember and never forget that, I am not responsible for the deficit!!

About PTSD in Veterans

From the US Department of Veterans Affairs’ National Center for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder

Types of Trauma

Veterans may go through many different kinds of traumatic and stressful experiences. During wartime, types of traumatic experiences include combat, blasts, sexual assault, witnessing death and injury, and living in severe conditions.

The effects of war on veterans include specific effects associated with various groups such as women veterans and older veterans, and associated with various events such as war zone exposure, peacekeeping situations, and more. Veterans of various ethnic minority groups might have special needs. Here you will find fact sheets and videos specific to ethnic minority veterans.

Recent research has confirmed high rates of military sexual trauma (MST), which occurs for both men and women. MST includes sexual harassment and sexual assault. These pages tell you about these types of sexual trauma and other violence and how they may affect survivors and their loved ones.

PTSD and Negative Coping

If you have PTSD you may try to deal with problems in ways that cause more harm than good. This is called negative coping. Negative coping means you use quick fixes that may make a situation worse in the long run.

Here are some examples of negative coping skills:

Substance abuse

Taking a lot of drugs or alcohol to feel better is called substance abuse. You may try and use drugs or alcohol to escape your problems, help you sleep, or make your symptoms go away.

Substance abuse can cause serious problems. Drinking or using drugs can put your relationships, your job, and your health in jeopardy. You may become more likely to be mean or violent. When you are under the influence of alcohol or drugs, you may make bad decisions.

Avoiding others

Certain situations may cause you stress, make you angry, or remind you of bad memories. Because of this, you may try to avoid other people at times. You may even avoid your friends and family.

Avoiding others can make you feel isolated. Isolation is when you tend to be alone a lot, rather than spending time around other people.

When you distance yourself from others, your problems may seem to build up. You may have more negative thoughts or feel like you're facing life all alone.

Anger and violent behavior

You may feel a lot of anger at times. Your anger may cause you to lose your temper and do reckless things. You may distance yourself from people who want to help.

This is understandable. It's natural to feel angry after going through something traumatic. But anger and violent behavior can cause problems in your life and make it harder for you to recover.

Dangerous behavior

You also may cope by doing things that are dangerous. For example, you may drive too fast or be quick to start a fight when someone upsets you. You may end up hurting yourself or someone else.

How you deal with stress also can be dangerous. If you start smoking, or smoke more, you put your health in danger. Eating to relieve stress also can be dangerous if you gain too much weight.

Working too much

Work is a good thing. You learn new things, interact with others, and gain confidence. But working too much can be a form of avoidance. You may be working to avoid memories or to help yourself forget about the event. This is dangerous because:

  • You may not seek help for your PTSD
  • You're not spending time with your family and friends. Being with them and getting their support may help you recover and deal better with PTSD
  • You may work so much that you eat less and get little sleep. This can hurt your health, so you're more likely to get sick.

What can I do?

Changing how you cope with PTSD is part of your recovery. Here are some things you can do:

  • Talk to a doctor or counselor. You may need help changing your behavior. You also may be addicted to alcohol or drugs, which makes quitting on your own hard
  • Get involved with a support group for PTSD. You can find out about support groups from your doctor, from some friends, or on the Internet.
  • Talk to your family and friends about things that bother you. They can offer you emotional support as you change your habits or behavior
  • Get involved with social and community events. Volunteer at a sporting event or holiday festival. Connect with other people through clubs or religious groups. Find hobbies and interests that bring you in contact with others.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Admitting There is a Problem

Thank you for those true friends out there – those of you who go out of your way to warn a person before she goes too far down the wrong path. Thanks to people like you, I have at least taken a proactive step in talking to Fabrice.

Not only does he recognize that he is aggressive and downright mean to me, at times; but he also says that he doesn’t understand why he does it and that he regrets what he says within moments of it coming out of his mouth. He even talked about it to his cousin and his aunt. I suppose that in this, like anything, admitting you have a problem is a major step.

That said, what has been said, once uttered, cannot be unsaid. Nor the damage done, undone. Not for sheer will, in any event.

I told him I want to leave, to go back home and start over; to try to rebuild the world I left behind, albeit someplace new.

He asked me to stay, and to give it a month. I didn’t make any promises. I don’t have it in me to do so. Not yet.

But I am still here. I gave it another day, and then a second day. And a third. The first day was no great shakes. The second, somewhat better. Today, even better.

I am not holding my breath. But I am willing to try. Everybody deserves at least one second chance in life. A second chance, yes indeedy; but not necessarily a third. We’re still on the second chance. I haven’t given up, yet.

But, I sincerely appreciate knowing that there are people out there who give enough of a damn to say something. People like you.

Thank you. And you know who you are!!! Thank you, so very much!

Sunday, October 21, 2007

C'est l'histoire d'une femme qui tombe de sa vie....

Things here are okay. Oh, come to think of it, I don't know if we had ever settled on an answer, but I believe that OK comes from 0 killed - 0K. OK? And here in my pitiful world, there have been 0 killed.

C'est l'histoire d'un mec
qui tombe d'un immeuble de 50 étages.
Au fur et à mesure de sa chute,
pour se rassurer, il se répète:

"Jusqu'ici, tout va bien."
"Jusqu'ici, tout va bien."
"Jusqu'ici, tout va bien."

Mais l'important, c'est pas la chute.
C'est l'atterrissage...
I quit the job that I hated as a legal assistant in an international business law firm. Now I am teaching business in English in an international/bilingual high school in Paris, and I love my job.

I don't like France so much, anymore. Or at least not the French. In many ways, they deserve their bad reputation. I am tired of the violence, rudeness, etc. I miss being around nice people and I'm tired. I miss my friends. I miss the American way of life, of finishing work at 5, of not spending 4 hours a day in the train and metro, and of just being me instead of trying to cope with change and loneliness and sadness. I don't know that I will ever come back here once I leave this time around. I feel drained and down, and just want to go home or to a military base full of Americans, and for things to be the way that they were before. But home isn't anywhere, really, anymore, so what's a girl to do?!

I miss my kids, too. Even though I think I did the right thing letting my daughter spend a year with her father, especially after witnessing what Sandrine has done to Fabrice and what my friend, D**'s, ex wife, whose name I have conveniently forgotten, has done to him and to their daughters... Despite all of that, it's hard. I don't trust her father. And I miss her.

I miss my son, too, but he's 21 now, and it's different.

Fabrice is okay. He flies off the handle relatively easily, which unsettles me. He's been having a very hard time the past couple of months. He's so angry and full of rage. And most of it, he takes out on me. He agrees with me in this assessment, and says that he doesn't know what is wrong. But that doesn't help the situation a whole lot. I care about him and I love him, but I sometimes feel more sisterly towards him than anything else. And I don't like the regular bouts of anger. Hopefully, that all will settle down or something, over time. I don't know.

Fabrice was injured on duty a month and a half ago. He and a colleague were escorting an ambulance and a guy refused to yield, actually intentionally hitting Fabrice full-on in the middle of the motorcycle. Fabrice woke up on the ground with the firemen telling him not to move. He (Fabrice) wound up rippng the guy's bumper off with his knee, and the metal supports underneath cut into the knee down to the bone, from right next to the patella, in front, around back to the ligaments in the back. At the hospital, because this is France, and they don't want private pension funds, the doctors were on strike, so instead of hospitalizing him, they sewed him up and sent him home. Then, after three weeks, when the cut was getting better, the local doctor was on strike, so he didn't take the stitches out. He had a massive knee infection, septic arthritis, and an allergic reaction to the antibiotics so he was covered with hives from head to toe, too. I suppose that didn't help his mood any. But, actually, to be honest, the rages and anger have been present since the get-go. He is actually a tad bit calmer now that he's had the accident, as he isn't working right now, and so he isn't confronted with the daily violence, disrespect, and complete lack of support from their hierarchy that the French cops are subject to. Just an example, the guy who hit him, after refusing to yield to one Federal police officer and an ambulance, and intentionally hitting another, wasn't even arrested and refused to accept his ticket. I never knew it was possible to refuse a ticket - I'll have to keep that in mind, if ever I get one!!

Friday, October 19, 2007

What kind of chimp are you?

Danielle, you're most like Kitty!
Kitty is the leader of the three chimps at Cleveland Amory Black Beauty Ranch. She's serious and in charge of what happens with the group. She'll quickly quell any behavior she deems inappropriate.

Kitty is also a big fan of trading. If she has something she shouldn't, she's usually willing to trade it for something else. Kitty is deliberate and does not engage in frivolous behavior, nor will she waste energy doing something that won't result in getting what she wants. She seizes opportunities to act, but sometimes hesitates to try new things.

Kitty was rescued from the now-defunct Coulston Foundation in New Mexico, where she was used to breed chimps for medical research. Her laboratory caretaker feared that once Kitty was too old to reproduce, she might be subjected to experimentation herself, so she worked to secure Kitty's transfer to a sanctuary. Now, Kitty's laboratory days are behind her forever -- but not all research chimps are so lucky.


You are most like Kitty.
HSUS MySpace Page | Take the Quiz!

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Ecole Active Bilingue


Ecole Active Bilingue
Originally uploaded by Nana S
This is the beautiful, wonderful school I am teaching at this year.
I LOVE my job.
I LOVE my students even more!!
Some things in life are so good!!!

RER E


RER E
Originally uploaded by Nana S
Michael Kennedy's Now Public article on the French transit strike:

The strike was the first major showdown between Sarkozy, who was elected in May with a strong mandate for change, and powerful unions, who have in the past forced the government to back down from reform plans.

Bus, train and subway service ground to a halt across France: More than 90 percent of high-speed TGV trains weren't running; only one Paris subway line - which is automatic, with no drivers - was running as usual; and international trains were affected though spared the worst.

"Am I for it? Non! They infuriate us," Charlotte Ardant, a perfume industry worker, said of the unions. She said she slept at a friend's house last night to be closer to her office.

The economic impact and the full extent of the strike was virtually impossible to estimate right away.

Employees at Paris' transport authority agreed to extend their walkout - originally scheduled to end Thursday evening - until Friday on at least six of 14 subway lines, the UNSA labor union said. Others were also considering whether to follow suit.

Unions have been in a staring match with Sarkozy's conservative government over the past several months. Thursday's walkout amounted to the first exchange of shots.

In neighboring Germany, meanwhile, commuters in the largest cities sat for hours in traffic jams after more than 1,000 train drivers walked off their jobs on the country's dense local rail network. The German strike was to last nine hours. It was the second such action organized by German train drivers' union GDL, which is seeking better working conditions from railway operator Deutsche Bahn.

In France, the dispute centers on Sarkozy's plans to eliminate a special pension plan devised to give advantages to those in physically demanding jobs, such as miners and train drivers. Workers covered by those pensions are able to retire earlier - and on more generous terms - than the vast majority of France's working population.

The president wants a level playing field for workers: 40-year contributions into the pension fund to obtain full retirement benefits. Sarkozy has been eager to rein in state spending.

He has also sought to reduce the power of extended union action, championing a law that would force workers to provide at least a minimum level of service during strikes.

But in France, where the right to strike is widely seen as sacrosanct, even some commuters hampered by the walkout expressed their support for the transport workers.

"I agree with this strike," said engineer Annie Proy, who had to ride a subway instead of her usual bus to get to her job east of Paris. "Afterward, the government will attack the rights of other workers."

Other unions outside the transport sector have been relatively quiet about protest plans - apparently keeping their powder dry for Sarkozy's planned broader reforms of the public service sector, which could affect everything from hospitals to state-run day care.

Large numbers of people cycled in Paris during the early rush. But in the suburbs, many people appeared to have taken the day off or were working from home instead of attempting to venture into Paris.

Regional trains were virtually at a standstill, and many suburban commuters were cut off from neighboring cities by public transport and feared driving to work would ensnare them in traffic jams.

Four in five Eurostar trains to London were running, and three in five Thalys trains to Belgium and the Netherlands, said national rail operator SNCF.

Flights in and out of Paris were unaffected, said the Paris airports authority and Air France, though it added that some travelers may have had trouble getting to the airport via commuter trains.

Sarkozy was in Portugal at a EU summit Thursday. At a weekly news conference, his spokesman David Martinon said the president was being informed regularly about the strikes but referred questions to the Labor Ministry.

Labor leaders hoped the walkout would recall 1995 strikes that paralyzed the country and sapped then-President Jacques Chirac's drive for reform. Those strikes - also involving retirement rights - dragged on for three weeks.

Stations


Stations
Originally uploaded by Nana S
This photograph appears in a NowPublic news story: French Commuters Slammed by Strike.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Dahlia Jaune Chez Floc'h


Dahlia Jaune Chez Floc'h
Originally uploaded by Nana S

Dahlia


Dahlia
Originally uploaded by Nana S

Dahlias


Dahlias
Originally uploaded by Nana S
I've decided. Dahlia's are my favorite flowers!

Sunday, October 14, 2007

Bird on a Wire


Bird on a Wire 5
Originally uploaded by Nana S

Chanel's Nose


Chanel's Nose 9
Originally uploaded by Nana S

Chanel


Chanel 8
Originally uploaded by Nana S

Chanel


Chanel 7
Originally uploaded by Nana S

Ion Examining the Evidence


Ion Examining the Evidence
Originally uploaded by Nana S

Ion's Fur


Ion's Fur 2
Originally uploaded by Nana S
His shaven fur looked like a sleeping Ion, all by itself!

Ion 1


Ion 1
Originally uploaded by Nana S
I shaved/cut Fabrice's dog, Ion's coat the other day. Here he is, half shorn, displaying his furry side.

September 11 Mist


September 11 Mist
Originally uploaded by Nana S

It's Hard to Get Up in the Morning, Even for the Sun!

Shades of Color


Shades of Color
Originally uploaded by Nana S

From: How to Slow Down Your Body's Aging

1. Change your perception of time. Don't be in a hurry.
2. Get restful sleep.
3. Eat fresh, nutritious food.
4. Take at least two multivitamins with minerals every day.
5. Practice a mind body technique such as yoga or tai chi.
6. Exercise regularly.
7. Don't put toxins in your life, including toxic food, toxic
emotions, toxic relationships, and avoid toxic environments or toxic relationships.
8. Have a flexible attitude to minor hassles.
9. Look at so-called problems as opportunities.
10. Nurture loving relationships.
11. Always have an attitude of curiosity, learning, and wonder and spend time with children.

From: http://health.yahoo.com/experts/intentblog/1647/how-to-slow-down-your-bodys-aging

It is Impossible to Step Outside Our Skins

From the New York Times
June 18, 2007

CONNECTIONS; Postmodern Thoughts, Illuminated by the Practices of a Premodern Tribe

News of the death of the philosopher Richard Rorty on June 8 came as I was reading about a small Brazilian tribe that the French anthropologist Claude Lévi-Strauss studied in the 1930s. A strange accident, a haphazard juxtaposition -- but for a moment this pragmatist philosopher and a fading tribal culture glanced against each other, revealing something unusual about the contemporary scene.

Mr. Rorty was one of America's foremost philosophers, who in midcareer, after devoting himself to the rigors of analytic philosophy, decided that ''it is impossible to step outside our skins -- the traditions, linguistic and other, within which we do our thinking and self-criticism.'' He argued that we are always dealing with multiple and conflicting claims of truth, none of which can be conclusively established. We choose what to believe based on what is useful for us to believe. For Mr. Rorty, the importance of democracy is that it creates a liberal society in which rival truth claims can compete and accommodate each other. His pragmatism was postmodern, tolerant to a fault, its moral and progressive conclusions never appealing to a higher authority.

But the Caduveo of Brazil would not have welcomed that kind of all-inclusive embrace, and probably that embrace would not have been so readily offered to them. When Mr. Lévi-Strauss wrote about this dwindling tribe in ''Tristes Tropiques,'' his fascinating 1955 memoir, he compared these ''knightly Indians'' with their ''aristocratic arrogance'' to a deck of European playing cards; they even looked the parts of jacks, kings and queens, he wrote, with their cloaks and tunics decorated in red and black with recurrent motifs resembling hearts, diamonds, spades and clubs. The tribal queens, Mr. Lévi-Strauss noted, even seemed to trump Lewis Carroll's imagined Queen of Hearts with their taste for playing with severed heads brought back by warriors.

The Caduveo, in Mr. Lévi-Strauss's description, would never have considered for a moment that their beliefs and their society were arbitrarily constructed. The Caduveo had all the presumption and self-importance of royalty. They tattooed their bodies with elaborate ''asymmetric arabesques'' that served as coats of arms and signs of status. Their leaders removed every bit of facial hair, including eyelashes, and sneered at hairy Europeans. They even intimidated their Spanish and Portuguese conquerors.

They were, then, preliberal, premodern. In their midst every principle Mr. Rorty valued was violated. They provided their own transcendent authority and demanded its universal recognition. A neighboring, related tribe essentially became their serfs, cultivating land and turning over produce.

The Caduveo founding myth recounts that, lacking other gifts at the moment of creation, the tribe was given the divine right to exploit and dominate others. Mr. Lévi-Strauss once suggested that the Indian tribes of the Americas were like peoples of the Middle Ages, lacking the example of Rome; but the Caduveo, in his descriptions, are more like nobility from the 17th to mid-18th century, lacking the example of either the American or French revolutions.

But there was also something else about this tribe that drew Mr. Lévi-Strauss's attention: ''It was a society remarkably adverse to feelings that we consider as being natural.'' Its members disliked having children. Abortion and infanticide were so common that the only way the tribe itself could continue was by adoption, and adoption -- more properly called abduction -- was traditionally implemented through warfare. The tribal disdain for nature extended into its active denigration of hair, agriculture, childbirth and even, perhaps, representational art.

In all of this the tribe was proclaiming that while its dominance derived from nature and was beyond question, its superiority meant that nature had no further claim on it. Everything else was created by the tribe itself, particularly the ornate and elaborate tattoos and paintings on members' bodies. In this respect the tribe was not countercultural but counternatural. It refused to defer to external forces or commands.

In Mr. Lévi-Strauss's telling the Caduveo actually take on a strangely postmodern flavor, shedding the very idea of natural law or constraints. Even Mr. Rorty might have found his sympathies touched. He once suggested that science had been established by modern man ''to fill the place once held by God'' but that it didn't merit that position; it should be seen, Mr. Rorty said, as having the ''same footing'' as literature or art, and he suggested that physics and ethics were just differing methods of ''trying to cope.'' The Caduveo might have agreed, as long as they were permitted to determine which methods of coping were used.

But what place would such a society have in a Rortian democratic landscape? How would they be answered if their claims to divine right and arbitrary power came in direct conflict with the more embracing arbitrariness of Mr. Rorty's vision?

In reasoning one's way into pragmatism, in minimizing the importance of natural constraints and in dismissing the notion of some larger truth, the tendency is to assume that as different as we all are, we are at least prepared to accommodate ourselves to one another. But this is not something the Caduveo would necessarily have gone along with. Mr. Rorty's outline of what he called ''the utopian possibilities of the future'' doesn't leave much room for the kind of threat the Caduveo might pose, let alone other threats, still active in the world.

One tendency of pragmatism might be to so focus on the ways in which one's own worldview is flawed that trauma is more readily attributed to internal failure than to external challenges. In one of his last interviews Mr. Rorty recalled the events of 9/11: ''When I heard the news about the twin towers, my first thought was: 'Oh, God. Bush will use this the way Hitler used the Reichstag fire.' ''

If that really was his first thought, it reflects a certain amount of reluctance to comprehend forces lying beyond the boundaries of his familiar world, an inability fully to imagine what confrontations over truth might look like, possibly even a resistance to stepping outside of one's skin or mental habits.

But in this too the Caduveo example may be suggestive. As Mr. Lévi-Strauss points out, neighboring Brazilian tribes were as hierarchical as the Caduveo but lacked the tribe's sweeping ''fanaticism'' in rejecting the natural world. They reached differing forms of accommodation with their surroundings. The Caduveo, refusing even to procreate, didn't have a chance. They survive now as sedentary farmers. Such a fate of denatured inconsequence may eventually be shared by absolutist postmodernism. The Caduveo's ideas weren't useful, perhaps. Some weren't even true.

Connections, a critic's perspective on arts and ideas, appears every other Monday.

Saturday, October 13, 2007

From Today's New York Times

"After more than four years of fighting, America continues its desperate struggle in Iraq without any concerted effort to devise a strategy that will achieve victory in that war-torn country or in the greater conflict against extremism."
LT. GEN. RICARDO S. SANCHEZ, the retired former top commander of American forces in Iraq.

Wednesday, October 03, 2007

Morgan


Morgan
Originally uploaded by Nana S
I sure do miss her!!!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, October 02, 2007

From the Adult Children of Alcoholics Website:

Many of us found that we had several characteristics in common as a result of being brought up in an alcoholic or other dysfunctional households.

We had come to feel isolated, and uneasy with other people, especially authority figures. To protect ourselves, we became people pleasers, even though we lost our own identities in the process. All the same we would mistake any personal criticism as a threat.

We either became alcoholics ourselves, married them, or both. Failing that, we found other compulsive personalities, such as a workaholic, to fulfill our sick need for abandonment.

We lived live from the standpoint of victims. Having an over developed sense of responsibility, we preferred to be concerned with others rather than ourselves. We got guilt feelings when we trusted ourselves, giving in to others. We became reactors rather than actors, letting others take the initiative.

We were dependent personalities, terrified of abandonment, willing to do almost anything to hold on to a relationship in order not to be abandoned emotionally. We keep choosing insecure relationships because they matched our childhood relationship with alcoholic or dysfunctional parents.

These symptoms of the family disease of alcoholism or other dysfunction made us 'co-victims', those who take on the characteristics of the disease without necessarily ever taking a drink. We learned to keep our feelings down as children and keep them buried as adults. As a result of this conditioning, we often confused love with pity, tending to love those we could rescue.

Even more self-defeating, we became addicted to excitement in all our affairs, preferring constant upset to workable solutions.

This is a description, not an indictment.


The solution is to become your own loving parent


As ACA becomes a safe place for you, you will find freedom to express all the hurts and fears that you have keep inside and to free yourself from the shame and blame that are carry-overs from the past. You will become an adult who is imprisoned no longer by childhood reactions. You will recover the child within you, learning to love and accept yourself.

The healing begins when we risk moving out of isolation. Feelings and buried memories will return. By gradually releasing the burden of unexpressed grief, we slowly move out of the past. We learn to re-parent ourselves with gentleness, humor, love and respect.

This process allows us to see our biological parents as the instruments of our existence. Our actual parent is a Higher Power whom some of us choose to call God. Although we had alcoholic or dysfunctional parents, our Higher Power gave us the Twelve Steps of Recovery.

This is the action and work that heals us: we use the Steps; we use the meetings; we use the telephone. We share our experience, strength, and hope with each other. We learn to restructure our sick thinking one day at a time. When we release our parents from responsibility for our actions today, we become free to make healthful decisions as actors, not reactors. We progress from hurting, to healing, to helping. We awaken to a sense of wholeness we never knew was possible.

By attending these meetings on a regular basis, you will come to see parental alcoholism or family dysfunction for what it is: a disease that infected you as a child and continues to affect you as an adult. You will learn to keep the focus on yourself in the here and now. You will take responsibility for your own life and supply your own parenting.

You will not do this alone. Look around you and you will see others who know how you feel. We love and encourage you no matter what. We ask you accept us just as we accept you.

This is a spiritual program based on action coming from love. We are sure that as the love grows inside you, you will see beautiful changes in all your relationships, especially with your Higher Power, yourself, and your parents.