Thanksgiving, or something...

Happy Thanksgiving.

I guess.

Friday would be my Mom and Al's wedding anniversary. Well, not really. But they got married the day after Thanksgiving, so, in my mind, the day after Thanksgiving will always be their anniversary. Oh well.

Except for the part about wondering what she would have named her babies, this song really hits me every time I hear it. I miss my Mom. I miss my sisters. I miss Mikael. I even miss Al and my Dad. But, mostly, I miss my Mom.

By Kenny Chesney

Sunny days seem to hurt the most
I wear the pain like a heavy coat
I feel you everywhere I go
See your smile, I see your face
I hear you laughing in the rain
Still can't believe you're gone

It ain't fair you died too young
Like a story that had just begun
But death tore the pages all away
God knows how I miss you
All the hell that I've been through
Just knowing, no one could take your place
Sometimes I wonder who you'd be today

Would you see the world
Would you chase your dreams
Settle down with a family
I wonder what would you name your babies
Somedays the sky's so blue
I feel like I can talk to you
And I know it might sound crazy

It ain't fair you died too young
Like a story that had just begun
But death tore the pages all away
God knows how I miss you
All the hell that I've been through
Just knowing, no one could take your place
Sometimes I wonder who you'd be today

Today... Today...Today...
Today... Today...Today...

Sunny days seem to hurt the most
I wear the pain like a heavy coat
The only thing that gives me hope
Is I know I'll see you again someday

Someday... Someday

I know she is better off now. She got her audience with Papa. And she has been liberated from that body. But I miss her.

And I am mad at her for leaving me. And mad at myself for being mad at her. How selfish of me to wish her here when she was so miserable! Obviously, I just wish she had not left. Not that she was the way she was again.

I can't do this. I just can't.