From an email I received...

If you're not familiar with the work of Steven Wright, he's the scientist who once said: "I woke up one morning and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates!" His mind tends to see things a bit differently than the rest of us. Here are some of his gems:

• I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
• Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back.
• 42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
• All those who believe in psycho kenesis, raise my hand.
• The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
• I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she left me before we met.
• OK, so what's the speed of dark?
• How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
• Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
• Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
• Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.
• I intend to live forever; so far, so good.
• If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
• What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
• My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."
• Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
• A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
• The hardness of butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
• The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.