New Year's and a New Year for 2006

No plans for New Years, yet. Not that I actually ever do anything for New Years! Morgan will get back from Wisconsin the evening of the 30th. But, for New Years itself, I have no plans. My closest friends around here either won't be in town or have moved away. And, in the months since my mother died, I have become rather reclusive. I have to force myself to go out. And I tend not to meet too many people in my bedroom. It's funny how that works. They don't even congregate in my living room! Most of the living in there is done by Morgan and the critters.

I was one of about 150 laid off from McGraw-Hill, and have been working for ETS, but they're in NJ, so what I do for them, I do from home... I haven't even done that for the past 3 weeks, while Sony had my computer, which they can't fix for less than $1,200. Since it was damaged in the store I got it from, albeit last June, Circuit City is replacing it, but it's taking them a while, so right now I have a $1,600 doorstop. And, since I work on the speaking portion of the TOEFL, and Morgan's laptop is 500 years old (in computer years), it is not powerful enough, so I am on hiatus with that, too. Again, neither working from home nor not working from anywhere makes me go out into the world to see friends or meet anybody.

It's okay, though, a few times a week I get hit with grief like being caught unawares and punched in the stomach. Whenever it happens, I try to distract myself instead of actually feeling the feelings. Which isn't the greatest way to deal with it, but it's the best I can do. If I think too much about it, or let myself feel too much, it overwhelms me. To stay sane and relatively happy, I have to repress as much as I can, and only deal with it all in small doses.

I don't think I could live in MN again, it's 56 degrees here, and I'm freezing - I even have to wear a sweater or sweatshirt in the morning when I go to walk the dog, what kind of arctic blast am I being forced to face now???!!! Seriously, though, part of me, a BIG part, wants to work here a few years and then move back to Europe, so I can buy a place and a horse, teach English, and live happily ever after. You make more money faster here than there, from my experience....