History ~ Maya Angelou

History despite its wrenching pain cannot be unlived,
but if faced with courage need not be lived again.
- Maya Angelou

Amazing Circle 18: Flower Circle

Amazing Circle 18: Flower Circle
Originally uploaded by NanaP.

A flower fave...

Amazing Circle 24: Larkspur

Amazing Circle 24: Larkspur
Originally uploaded by NanaP.

Yet another...

Amazing Circle 25: Sand and Seaweed

Amazing Circle 25: Sand and Seaweed
Originally uploaded by NanaP.

And another...

Amazing Circle 27: Yellow & Green 1

Amazing Circle 27: Yellow & Green 1
Originally uploaded by NanaP.

Another fave...

Amazing Circle 32: Yellow Lily With Green

Amazing Circle 32: Yellow Lily With Green
Originally uploaded by NanaP.

This is one of my favorite Amazing Circles. I will post some of my other favorites momentarily.

She's Growing Up... Elle est grande!

Morgan Modeling
Originally uploaded by NanaP.

My baby's almost a teenager. It's hard to believe!!

Hallelujah ~ Leonard Cohen

album: Fragments Of A Rainy Season (1992)

John Cale Hallelujah Lyrics

Words & music by Leonard Cohen

Now I've heard there was a secret chord
That David played and it pleased the Lord
But you don't really care for music, do ya?
It goes like this: the fourth, the fifth
The minor fall, the major lift
The baffled king composing Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Your faith was strong, but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew ya
Well, she tied you to her kitchen chair
She broke your throne and she cut your hair
And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah

You say I took the name in vain
I don't even know the name
But if I did, well really, what's it to ya?
There's a blaze of light in every word
It doesn't matter which ya've heard
The cold one or the broken Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah

I did my best, it wasn't much
I couldn't feel it so I tried to touch
I've told the truth, I didn't come to fool ya
And even though it all went wrong
I'll stand before the lord of song
With nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Baby I've been here before, I've seen this room
I've walked this floor
I used to live alone before I knew you
But I saw your flag on the Marble Arch
Our love is not a victory march
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah

There was a time you let me know
What's real and going on below
But now you never show it to me, do ya?
And remember when I moved in you
And the holy dove was moving too
And every breath we drew was Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Maybe there's a God above
All I ever learned from love
Was how to shoot somebody who outdrew ya
And it's not a cry that you hear at night
It's not someone who's seen the light
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah

Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah

Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah

My Grandfather, from Wikipedia

Lawrence Schoonover
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Lawrence Schoonover (1906 - 1980) is an American novelist.
Born in Anamosa, Iowa, Schoonover attended the University of Wisconsin, then worked in advertising before becoming a novelist. Among his many well-known books are The Burnished Blade, The Gentle Infidel, The Revolutionary, and The Prisoner of Tordesillas.

Complete bibliography
The Burnished Blade (1948). The flaming martyrdom of Joan of Arc opens this historical romance in France at the dawn of the Renaissance. Among the onlookers at that terrible spectacle was Pierre, a frightened boy whom Hugh, the armourer, had rescued that morning on the road outside Rouen. Under Hugh's tutelage, Pierre learns the closely guarded secrets of the armourer's trade. But he is destined not to use them.....

The Gentle Infidel (1950). Two lovely women, different as night and day, two conflicting faiths - one of the East, the other of the West - claimed the heart of young Michael da Montelupo. The son of Christian parents, handsome, stalwart Michael was impressed as a boy into the Turkish Emperor's elite Janizary corps, rigorously trained to become a brave, fanatical Moslem soldier. As a Turk, Michael fell under the sultry spell of Aeshia, a sensuous, scheming young Turkish wife, who tricked him into a relationship that nearly cost him his career - and his life. But Angelica, the slim, fair, Venetian girl, awakened in him echoes of his early Christian faith. It was for her that he put the East and its barbaric turbulence behind. Michael's romantic adventures are enacted against the background of an era of gaudy decadence, crafty intrigue, and exotic, colorful pageantry. The climax is reached in the spectacular siege and conquest of Constantinople in 1453, which marked Christendom's last stand against the Infidel.

The Golden Exile (1951). Adventures of English knight in Indochina.

The Quick Brown Fox (1952)

The Spider King (1954). A dynamic biographical novel of Louis XI and his struggle to create a mighty nation from a weak medieval France.

The Queen’s Cross (1955). A biographical romance novel of Isabella I of Castile and Ferdinand during the Reconquista.

The Prisoner of Tordesillas (1959). Biographical novel of Mad Juana, daughter of Ferdinand and Isabella, and mother of Emperor Charles V.

The Revolutionary (1958). A biographical novel of sea captain John Paul Jones during his period as a slaver, a fighter for the young USA, and for the Russian Imperial court.

The Chancellor (1961). A novel of palace intrigue about Antoine Duprat, creator of the French lottery during the reign of Francis the First.

Central Passage (1962). Science fiction novel of the catastrophic climatic effects of an accidental war and the challenge of humanity's next evolutionary phase.

Key of Gold (1968). Jewish doctor and family in Holland at the time of Spanish inquisition.

To Love a Queen: Walter Raleigh and Elizabeth (1973). Biographical novel of the famous adventurer in his capacity as courtier, entrepreneur, sea captain, and leader.

The Measure of Our Lives....

For many, many years, I wouldn't get pets at all for fear of losing them. In 1979, our dog, Muffy, died in a house fire. I did not get a pet again, at all, until about 1999, and those were fish and then gerbils. Now, since April, 2005, we have pets again. We started by adopting one dog from the SPCA, and now have two dogs, two cats, and a fish. I can't resist an animal (or person) in need...

For even more years, and sometimes, even now, I wouldn't (or won't) get close to people. It remains difficult for me. To start with, I am painfully shy and reserved. Even with people I know, but VERY much so with those that I don't know at all, or well. I have had my share of difficulty, my share of pain. Those experiences add to my reticence with others. So has my unwillingness to take advantage or to take people for granter. I tend to live my life seriously. I take things to heart. It matters to me. Whatever it is. Oftentimes other people do not understand that. Or they find it too intense. Or it frightens them. It's too bad when that happens. It hurts me. The sadness doesn't end.

Nonetheless, I cannot change who I am. Nor do I want to. In my friendships and in deeper love relationships, I give it my all. I am committed, deeply, to the people who matter to me. People and animals, humanity and compassion... Caring is what is important in my life. Caring and helping are what bring me the most joy.

But the other side of joy is heartache... But all of the tears and all of the sorrow would not exist, at all, had you not had the pleasure and joy of caring for and loving in the first place. If it didn't matter, you wouldn't care, and that experience, that caring, is what makes life matter. I believe that life is built in the caring and compassion that we have for others. Perhaps one can take solace in thinking of the comfort brought by caring, helping, sharing life...

To my mind, when it comes to the measure of our lives, all we have is love.

Take heart.

Great line from Green Acres

How come a man who can imitate a sprinkler as well as you can, isn't married?

~Lisa Douglas to Hank Kimball on Green Acres

Careful of the books....

Be as careful of the books you read, as of the company you keep; for your habits and character will be as much influenced by the former as by the latter.

~John Steinbeck

Something worth fighting for...

"And this I believe: that the free, exploring mind of the individual human is the most valuable thing in all the world. And this I would fight for: the freedom of the mind to take any direction it wishes,undirected. And this I must fight against: any idea, religion, or government which limits or destroys the individual."

~ John Steinbeck

In thinking about certain people...

... there is nothing like a man to cure a woman of a man.

Parfois on n'a que des soucis.......

Je ne sais pas ce qui se passera lors du retour de ***** et de ******* demain. J’ai de la chance parce que je serais en retard au bureau demain. Je n’avais que mon permis de conduire français et je dois passer l’examen de conduite demain matin.

À pars ça, après beaucoup de réflexion, et suite à l’hostilité de ******* lundi dernier quand je lui ai dit tout simplement qu’il m’avait blessé, je vais parler à ***** demain pour discuter de véritables possibilités de solution concrète. J’ai déjà écrit une lettre de sept pages à ce propos, mais je ne l’ai pas encore envoyée. J’ai parlé un peu à notre doyenne, qui m’a dit, en gros, de « suck it up. » Alors il ne me semble pas qu’ils cherchent à résoudre le problème en soi, préférant nous obliger à se subjuguer à son incapacité et ses caprices. Je me vois mal tenir le coup dans ces circonstances pendant les trois années que le projet est censé durer.

Notre doyenne m’avait dit avant qu’il y ait le moyen pour moi de demander mon transfert dans le département. Je ne dis pas que je vais le faire, mais je vais en parler à *****. Je lui ai déjà prévenu que, si ******* ne demande pas son retour au département, ou s’ils ne l’obligent pas de s’y retourner, je pense peut-être demander mon propre transfert, du moins pendant l’absence de *******, qui risque d’être assez prolongé. J’aime beaucoup le testing. J’aime encore mieux travailler avec ****** et *****, mais j’ai mal à la tête à chaque fois que ******* se pointe au bureau, j’ai déjà développé un ulcère depuis que j’ai commencé à travailler sur ce projet, et trois années comme ça me semblent non seulement interminables, mais quasiment impossibles.Enfin, on verra bien, n’est-ce pas ?!

Les masques d’oxygène

Comme vous le savez, sans doute, je suis mère célibataire d’un fils qui aura 20 ans au mois de septembre, et d’une fille de 12 ans. Mon fils a le père français, et ma fille le sien est américain. Moi-même, j’ai grandi dans les deux pays.

Ma mère est morte depuis un an maintenant. Mon père et moi ne sommes pas très près. Ma mère et moi ne l’avons pas été non plus, sauf dans les dernières années de sa vie.

J'ai eu ma part de chagrin dans la vie, et souvent ce chagrin avait (a) à voir avec les hommes.

Mais j’ai compris certaines choses à force de vivre.

Pour que les enfants soit heureux, il faut que tu le sois, du fond de toi, et malgré tout.

C’est comme ce qu’ils disent lorsqu’on prend l’avion, s’il y a un problème, il faut d’abord mettre ton propre masque à oxygène, et ensuite aider tes enfants. Car, dans un avion en péril, si tu n’arrives même pas à respirer, tu n’apporteras pas beaucoup d’aide à autrui. Dans la vie, s’occuper de soi même est ce qui nous donne l’oxygène qu’il nous faut, et avec cet oxygène, la force de laquelle ont a besoin pour survivre, pour pouvoir s’épanouir, et pour pouvoir bien s’occuper de ses enfants.

Si tu attendes le bon moment, tu ne trouveras jamais ton véritable bonheur. Il n’arrivera jamais ce bon moment. Il y aura toujours une excuse pour ne pas vivre pleinement sa vie, pour ne pas vivre son propre bonheur.

L’autre chose que j’ai appris dans mes 41 années sur terre est que les seules choses que je regrette vraiment, les seules véritables erreurs que j’ai commises ont eu lieu parce que je n’ai pas dit ce que j’aurais du dire, je n’ai pas fait ce que j’aurais du faire. Sur le coup, je pensais bien faire. Je pensais que ma décision était mieux pour mes enfants, ou pour les autres personnes impliquées. Mais je jure, je regrette certains gestes non faits, certaines actions non prises, certains mots que je n’ai pas osés prononcer.

C’est bien vrai, il faut faire attention aux enfants. On ne mérite pas de leur gâcher la vie pour profiter de la notre. Mais, surtout, surtout, il faut que tu t’occupes de toi. Il faut que tu suives ton cœur. Il faut que tu te laisses aimer et que tu le laisses t’aimer. Il faut mettre ton masque d’oxygène, suivre ton propre chemin vers le bonheur, et le bonheur et la joie de vivre de tes enfants seront garanties.

Mais enfin, ce n’est que mon opinion, il se peut que j'aies tort....

When it rains....

My good, dear, albeit not old, friend, *******, has just been diagnosed with metatastic cancer. The diagnosis is so new that they do not even know where the cancer originated and metastasized from, yet. And so widesread that it's in his bones... in his collarbone, between his vertebrae, etc. He is in terrible pain, and frustrated and concerned... and this is a guy who always took such good care of himself... and such an intelligent, kind, and tender soul.

I know we all have to go. And, maybe it isn't worth fighting, but I hate to see such a good man go through such pain and anguish...

Especially alone. His family is all in France. Or Morocco.

I know that Vicky will do whatever she can to help him. And so will I. I only wish I could drop everything else and take care of him, or other friends who are suffering, the way Al did for my Mom, the way that Nancy Reagan did for Ron... That's what love, and family, and caring is all about. That's what makes humanity worthwhile.

At least that's my opinion........

Elephants show capacity for compassion, scientists find

LONDON (AFP) - Elephants pay their respects to lost loved ones and venerated leaders in a way that suggests a human-like capacity for compassion, scientists have said.

In a paper to appear in a scientific journal this month, researchers said Tuesday they came to this conclusion after watching how elephants on a Kenyan game reserve behaved towards a matriarch who fell ill and died.

The dying elephant -- named Eleanor by the researchers from Britain and the United States -- was first assisted by an unrelated matriarch from another family.

At one point the helper, called Grace, was observed lifting the collapsed animal to her feet using her tusks. When Eleanor fell again, Grace tried again to lift her up -- this time without success.

Eleanor died where she fell, and was subsequently visited by elephants not only from her own family, but from four other families as well.

All the animals showed a distinct interest in the body, the scientists discovered, sniffing it with their trunks, hovering a foot over it, or nudging it with their tusks.

"It leads to the conclusion that elephants have a generalised response to suffering and death... and that this is not restricted to kin," they wrote in a paper for the August issue of Applied Animal Behaviour Science.

The research was led by Iain Douglas-Hamilton, from the zoology department at Oxford University, who founded the charity Save the Elephants.

With colleagues from the University of California, his team monitored 50 animals on the Samburu National Reserve in northern Kenya, tracking them with GPS collars and taking automatically dated and timed photos.

Most animals, apart from humans, seem to show little interest in the dead bodies of their own species -- but chimpanzees, dolphins and elephants are all known to show concern for the sick and dead, the scientists said.

"This behaviour in an animal species can be compared to human behaviour, and indicates that such feelings as compassion may not be restricted to our species alone," Douglas-Hamilton said.

For corn's sake!

Things here are alright. Just alright, though. I ran out of allergy medication and forgot to get my prescription refilled, which meant that my allergies hit really bad, and then I got a cold and cough. Oh well, for once, I am REALLY glad it's Friday.

My birthday was okay, but relatively uneventful. My sisters and son all forgot. So did my friend, *****. Oh well. The reasons why that even matters at all are a story for another day... Morgan and I walked down to Fisherman's Wharf for ice cream, and it was on our way back that we ran into *****. All he said was "Hi," he didn't even cross the street.

My heart breaks at the sight of him. Not for romantic reasons, but because I thought we were friends. That he would believe what he seems to believe about me, or about my friends, hurts me.

I don't even want to see his former girlfriend, ********. And, of course, I have to go by both of their homes to get to the beach. I've taken to walking down to the beach over the dune behind my house, which involves some acrobatics, but is at least less heart-wrenching.

The other day, Morgan and I went to walk the dogs and they were down there, boogie boarding. I immediately spun around, and accessed the beach a different way. On the way home, Morgan and I took different routes, as I did not want to run into her. Morgan ran into him, so I was relieved to have gone a different way.

As the French say, le plus gêné s’en va, or, in my case, la plus gênée s’en va. And, in this, I appear to be la plus gênée. Mostly because I am so offended, hurt, and sad.

My friend, Jean, came to dinner a couple of weeks ago, now, and my friend, Pam, last week. Other friends called, and my friend, Tim, came down from Palo Alto for the day of my birthday, and taught me how to make chicken paprikash. But even he did not wish me a happy birthday. It all makes me feel so very tired. Making dinner with him was alot of fun. It was good stuff, too. I had never had it before, but certainly will make it again!

The birthday thing wouldn't matter, except that it brings back so many memories of my childhood, being deemed unworthy of praise or affection or gifts. Even though I know in my head that I didn't deserve the horros of my childhood, in my heart, I feel that I did. And it is so very difficult to control those feelings of shame and hurt and fear. It is even more difficult to separate myself from the little girl I used to be on occasions like my birthday and during the holidays.

Sunday was a kind of a rough day. It was the one-year anniversary of my mother's death, and it all hit me pretty hard. My sister, Michèle, called in the evening to see how I was doing. We talked for a while. She hadn't even been able to sleep the night before, and my other sister had been drinking all day. I guess people cope the best they can, huh? After that, and thinking about oh-so many things, I've been kind of down. Crying off and on, and just basically feeling empty, lonely, and tired. I think that, in general, life shouldn't be so sad and frustrating and hurtful. I believe that most people are doing their best at least most of the time. I just get tired of artifice and feigned emotions or positions. I would rather act in kindness and truth. I don't want to come to the end of my road overcome with regrets. You know what I mean? In the meantime, it's all a jumble in my mind, and more so, in my heart. And I don't know what to do sometimes....

My mother was able to end her life without too many regrets, for the most part; even going so far as to forgive my father and to tell him so. Unfortunately, she did leave one of her three sisters, whom she hadn't spoken to in years, without resolving their issues. But, since I do not know that whole story, I must refrain from passing judgment. I just think it's too bad, is all. The more of my life that I live, the more important it becomes to me to be honest and straightforward to people, to tell them what I am thinking or feeling, and to take actions based on my core values, no matter what. Of course, I am not a perfect person, and I have things I could do better, even now, and others still unresolved. But, for me, anyway, there is still time left on the clock.

Loosing someone you love so dearly, and sometimes hated even more, is complicated, convoluted, and difficult.

So my sisters, and me, I guess we are all just doing our best to muddle through.

I want to start boogie-boarding. Just not when she is there... I need to get a wet suit, and to buy Jen's old one from her for Morgie.

So much to do.
So many tears.
A few regrets.
So much heartache.
When does it stop, for corn's sake?!

Black Ribbon

Black Ribbon
Originally uploaded by NanaP.

For a while on flickr, a number of people are changing their buddy icons in "protest" against the senseless violence now occuring in Israel and Lebanon...

This is Tatiana's Cardeal's idea.
www.flickr.com/photos/tatianacardeal/

Why don't we all change our icons for a while using this black ribbon instead.
It is a way for us to say: stop the killing of civilians in both sides. Stop this war.
Can you do this?

Save this image, upload it in your photostream, and then change your icon.
Simple as that!

And also, use the last lines of this description (the bold phrase) as your uploaded image tag.
(Add the translation of tags in your own language to this phrase, and please add tags to my photo too)

The main idea is by Tatiana Cardeal, MUNDO ONU group
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In Persian (Farsi):
چرا آيكون خود را براي مدتي هم شده با اين روبان مشكي جايگزين نميكنيد؟
در قاموس ما، اين روشي است براي اعلام اينكه:
كشتار غير نظاميان را متوقف كنيد! از هر طرف كه باشند.
اين جنگ را متوقف كنيد!
آيا شما هم با ما همراه ميشويد؟

كافي است اين تصوير را ضبط كنيد، در آلبوم فليكر خود آپلود كنيد، و آيكون خود را به آن تغيير دهيد.
به همين سادگي

ضمناً براي سهولت در امر جستجو، سطر آخر اين توضيحات را كه با حروف پررنگ نوشته شده به عنوان تگ استفاده كنيد
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Pourquoi ne pas changer nos icônes pour un moment? Vous pouvez changer la votre en la remplaçant par ce ruban noir, suivant l'idée de Tatiana Cardeal.

Ce serait pour nous une façon de dire: Arrêtez de tuer des civils, des 2 côtés! Stoppez cette guerre!

Pouvez vous le faire?

Sauvegardez cette image, et remplacez votre buddyicon par cela, c'est si simple...


Suggested tag (updated on 1 August):
"Black Ribbon" Peace Lebanon Israel
"روبان مشكي" صلح لبنان اسرائيل سلام
"Ruban Noir" Paix Liban