Sinking Hearts of Fear

Well, Morgan will be leaving shortly for their vintage limo ride to SJC. She and her friend and her friend's family are all very excited. I just dropped off something to Sh at the gym in Seaside, and even he is excited. He almost made me cry though, talking about Sp. He called the trip to Disneyland Sp's "last hurrah." That gave me a weird creepy chilling feeling.

The last time I saw my mother, in June, 2005, after a year and a half long series of frequent trips to Minnesota, as I said goodbye to her, our eyes met, lingered a little longer than usual, and then I had to get going. Some friends of mine from high school and I were all getting together to celebrate our fortieth birthdays with an evening cruise on Lake Minnetonka. My friend Dawn, who had organized the cruise, had also just gotten married, in a gorgeous wedding in Las Vegas, and she and her husband, our friend, Janelle, and I, all rode up to the lake in a limo. I had to get to Dawn's house before the limo left. So, anyway, as I looked into my mother's eyes, I knew that I would never see her alive, again. And, as she looked into mine, she knew it, too. I went on the cruise, came home the next day, and was planning my next trip to MN for about 5 or 6 weeks later, because my Mom had had a lot of visits and was tired. Of course, she died before I made that next trip. The trp to her funeral was my last. I don't know for sure that I will ever go to Minnesota, again. But that's a different story...

Sp is checking into Lucille Packard on the 30th,undergoing ten days of chemotherapy, one day of rest, and then getting a bone marrow transplant on November 9. Sh told me of his fear of losing his little boy.

I truly hope that his fear proves to be unfounded.