Curses

"Sometimes a good memory can be a curse -- try to let go of the past and move on."

Traduction et interprétation de ma note de hier

Dans mon horoscope américain d'hier, on m'a donné des conseils que je pense que nous ferions bien tous de tenir en compte. Je ne lis pas souvent mon horoscope, et c'est surtout pour m'amuser que je le fais, mais cette fois-ci ses conseils me semblent bien sages…

Débarrasse-toi de tous tes regrets, Danielle. La culpabilité est une émotion sans intérêt. Elle ne fait rien de bien pour personne. Tes émotions sont tout fugace et elles ont tendance d'émerger soudainement, et à l'improviste. Laisse-toi tout dire. Aujourd'hui n'est pas la meilleure journée pour chercher de la compassion, mais ça ne doit pas être ton but, alors… Il n'y a que toi qui puisses balayer les émotions négatives qui trainent dans ton cœur et ton esprit.

Letter to a Love Lost

I hope this message finds you well.

I wanted to write and let you know that you're really someone special. You will always reside in a warm and cozy, loving and light-filled space in my heart. I sincerely wish you could have been part of my life. I wish even more that I hadn't been hurt and left behind.

I have a right to feel the way I do and to tell you that your choices and behaviors hurt me. As did A********'s.

I also have the right to forgive you. I can't move on unless I do. I have to feel all of the feelings, the anger and pain, the loneliness and self-deprecation, and the friendship and love that are forgiveness.

Forgiveness, you know, has very little to do with the person being forgiven. It has to do with you, the forgiver, your conscience, your spirit, and your well being. It has to do with friendship and love, of yourself, first and foremost.

Forgiving you doesn't mean that I can forget what happened, or that I can forget you.

Forgiving you doesn't condone the bad behaviors or undo the damage done.

But forgiveness is nonetheless a fantastic gift. It is a gift that I can give to myself for the pain I suffered in loving you. And it is a gift that I can give to you.

I am not sorry to have loved you. And I always will.

I am only sorry that I lost you, or that the time was wrong, or that you couldn't trust me to stand by you in your recovery. I am and always will be sorry for that loss. I believe that, in your heart of hearts, you understand and know that truth as well.

M***** moved out of the Sober Living Environment and into a room in a house. He's working full-time at a bakery in San Francisco . He is still sober: I think, since January 24, now. He is beginning the somewhat arduous process of Step 9 of the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. He is going to stay in the city until January, and then go back to college in February.

A friend of his, just a kid, was living in the same SLE. He had broken a few of the rules, like curfews and sleeping in, from what I gather. He wasn't the house manager's favorite. He overslept this weekend, and was kicked out. He overdosed on Heroin, Cocaine, and OxyContin.

He died.

All of everybody's choices have consequences. Good or bad.

Addiction is serious business.

I think of you often, and really hope that you are well and happy.

Take care of yourself, please.

I miss you.

Thought for the Day..

...this one might well be an important, eve, life-changing, thought to bear in mind...

My horoscope (yes, really!!) for today:

Rid yourself of all regrets about the past, Danielle. Guilt is a useless
emotion. It doesn't do any good for anyone. Your emotions are quite volatile and
they are apt to emerge in sudden, unexpected bursts. Feel free to let it all
out. Today is not the best day to ask for sympathy, but that shouldn't be your
goal anyway. Only you can clean out the negative issues that are floating around
in your own heart and mind.

Les Amis/ Friends

Nous avons reçu du monde à la maison hier, avant le départ de certains des amis/collègues de Fabrice, qui ont été mutés ailleurs.

Deux des amis/collègues ont ammenés leurs petits bouts avec eux. Et le frère de Fabrice y était avec sa famille. Je partagerais d'autres photos de la soirée plus tard, mais je vous laisse cette adorable image d'un père et son fils pour le moment.

Bien à vous, chers lecteurs...

We had a number of Fabrice's friends/colleagues over yesterday afternoon/evening. A good time was had by all, of course. Two of Fabrice's friends brought their beautiful babies, and Fabrice's brother and his family were able to join us.

I will post more pictures, later, but, in the meantime, I will leave you with this adorable father and son...

Me With Nadine's Mom

Danielle and Julienne
Originally uploaded by Nana S

Fabrice and Nadine's Mom

Fabrice and Julienne
Originally uploaded by Nana S

Nadine's Mother

Julienne
Originally uploaded by Nana S

Jean et Fabrice

Jean et Fabrice
Originally uploaded by Nana S

We went to visit the parents of my dear friend from tenth grade, in Brittany, last weekend. This is Fabrice with Nadine's father.

We Met Fabrice's Cousin and his Family

We had the opportunity to go to Brittany this weekend.

We left Friday night, and stopped about midway between Paris and Central Brittany, at Fabrice's cousin's home in La Sarthe. There we enjoyed a fantastic meal, an even better dessert, and, of course, I got to meet some more of Fabrice's family.

Fabrice's cousin, Patrick, and his wife, Laurence:

http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1403/1106969412_b25e4c6efa.jpg

Patrick and Laurence's eldest daughter, Lauriane:

http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1148/1105843253_0a31266568.jpg

Fabrice's Aunt Marie-France:

http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1093/1105942451_bcee6540de.jpg

This is Mathilde, asleep on her dog's rump:

http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1300/1105836561_33f2dfb9d4_o.jpg

Their cat drinks out of the kitchen faucet:

http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1378/1105977549_22df8c91b8.jpg

Our FANTASTIC dessert:

http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1039/1106085897_509f472be3_m.jpg

Fabrice and his cousin, the next morning:

http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1429/1107348366_30d84be7f6.jpg

News

A couple of weeks ago, I dreamt that Chris shot Chanel; eight times. Michèle reassured me that such was not the case. Whew!! It's good to hear that Chris wouldn't shoot Chanel - I didn't really think that he would, but it was one of those freaky totally realistic dreams.

We haven't found a place to live yet. We had been going to just rent from Fabrice's parents, but they weren't too keen on my pets, and his Dad says that I have to learn to sleep without the TV on. If I am paying to live somepace, especially at my age, I think I can decide if I sleep with the TV, or not. Especially since the sound was way down and everything. And his Dad likes picking on me, apparently because he likes me, but sometimes I just want to be left alone, and not have to be a certain way because I am living at someone else's house. It isn't bad or anything, and we all get along great. It wasn't my idea to move, after all, but Fabrice's, and I think it's a good idea, anyway.

We're going to move closer to Paris, which I really appreciate. As it is, I commute in an hour and a half every morning and each evening, and I work until 18:30, so that makes for awfully late nights for a morning person like me. I pretty much despise my job, which is a first for me; and it's even worse when compounded by the killer commute. If I liked the job, the three hours' of travel back and forth wouldn't seem so bad. If I lived nearby, the fact that I hate the job would be far more tolerable. You know what I mean?

Anyway, since Fabrice decided to move, that made it a lot easier to bring over my pets. I was having a tough time convincing him mainly because of his Dad. I was thinking of ordering the crates for the cats online at Pet Smart or the other one, and having them delivered to my sister. That way it should be even quicker than sending her the money, etc.

His mother is very nice. Both of his parents are. They are kind and smart, in their own way. Not very educated, but that doesn't necessarily mean a thing. I think it's cute that his mother doesn't read much because she doesn't like to read things without pictures!

Things are going well with Fabrice. We care about, genuinely like, and understand one another, most of the time, anyway, which is really cool. So far so good, there!!

Fabrice's dog is still alive. He's pretty sweet, and VERY well trained. He was a national champion, and also won money and a camcorder on France's version of America's Funniest Home Videos. I'll post the video sometime. Attached you'll find a picture of him, and a couple of others, too. And when you go to my flickr site, you can always see my pictures and photo albums. The link is: http://www.flickr.com/photos/dapmapmgmp

Fabrice has two brothers. He had three, but his youngest brother, was killed in a car accident 15 years ago. He was 20. His brother's names are Denis, who is 36 or something like that, and Christian, who is 38. Denis is married to Isabelle, and has three kids, S**** (11), L******c (8), and L*** (5). Christian is living with a woman named N*******. She has two kids. So does he. His son is named N******, and is 12, I think, and his daughter is named A*******, and is 4. Christian lives in New Caledonia. Denis lives not too far away, but is moving to the Department of Yonne next week to open his own butcher shop, there.

We aren't going to come to the US until the spring. Morgan only has two days off for her fall break, and I don't want to spend the money for such a short time. Fabrice's mother can't come for a while yet, because she is going to get her other hip replaced between now and next spring, I think. They'll probably come next year instead.

My computer is fixed, but it isn't the problem with my lack of communicativeness and connectivity of late. The problem is that the phone and Internet cut out between every few seconds and every ten minutes.

Our plan is to stay here until Fabrice can get a green card, which can't happen fast enough, if you ask me! Then, he is going to join the Army, or at least try, as an MP, and do at least three years. Plan B is the State Department job offer that he got, training US federal police officers. After three years in the Army, the US will give him citizenship without him even having to take the test. Then, if he likes it, he'll stay in the Army even after the three years, and will otherwise join a US civilian police force or a different federal police agency.

I had met Fabrice's youngest daughter, J******, at the beginning. I met the oldest, L****, just a couple of weeks ago, before they left for vacation in the South of France. I like them, but it's kind of awkward. They weren't speaking to their father for a while, and he hasn't told them that we're married because he's afraid of making them mad; when, had they not been mad at him in the first place, they would have known, and would have been at the wedding. We're going to have a church wedding next summer, here. All of the girls should be there, then, and hopefully, Mikael, too.

I sent the girls each a purse and some socks for G****'s birthday. I couldn't think what to send them at the time. I put some money in G****'s purse, for her birthday, but forgot to put any in M*****'s. Hopefully, my sister put a dollar in there for her. You're not supposed to give purses or wallets without putting money in them, I forgot.

Me, Taking Pictures

In Front of the Entrance to Disneyland Paris

Just Me

Me With Jen

On Fabrice's Motorcycle

Fabrice's Dog, Ion des Bois de Ravec'h

Isabelle, Me, Josiane

Justine

Justine and Lucie

Lucie

L****** and L***

Claude

Je n'en peux plus

J’ai reçu une prolongation de mon contrat d’intérimaire chez C****s. Mais avant de leurs la remettre, j’aimerais savoir ce qui viendrait à se passer si je venais à ne pas le finir.

Mon intention est bien de rester travailler chez C****s au moins jusqu’au 24. Cependant, il y a de très gros problèmes dans la façon dont deux des avocats, et, surtout l’un d’entre eux, me traitent. Ils sont tous les deux d’une agressivité complète. Ils sont malpolis, ne montrent aucun respect envers autrui, et me rendent la vie vraiment difficile. J’ai tous les jours des maux de tête et de l’estomac et des nausées. Je n’arrive plus à dormir. Et la méchanceté et le manque de comportement professionnel chez l’un des deux est à un tel point que j’ai fini en larmes jeudi soir. Et je ne pleure pas si facilement que ça. Dans le temps, peut-être, mais plus maintenant.

À deux reprises maintenant, ce dernier m’a obligé à rester travailler tard, me faisant ainsi manquer mes trains et n’arriver à la maison qu’après 22h00. Je suis de nature consciencieuse. Je cherche toujours à bien faire et je suis très pointilleuse dans mon travail. Je n’aurais aucun problème à rester tard pour quelqu’un de gentil, ou même, professionnel. Pas non plus pour quelqu’un qui me demandait de le faire qu lieu de piquer une crise de bébé, « comment vais-je faire, mais comment vais-je faire, il faut que vous fassiez…. » Mais celui-ci n’est rien de tout cela, il est exigeant, méchant, pas raisonnable, et pas du tout reconnaissant. Il ne montre que du mépris à mon égard.

Le comportement de ces deux avocats misogynes, méchants, arrogants, et sans aucun respect ne m’est pas réservé, pas du tout.

Malheureusement pour nous tous.

Quelle affaire!!!!

Pour la première fois de ma vie, je déteste mon travail. Deux des associés, surtout un, me pourrissent la vie. Je n’aime pas non plus le trajet d’une heure et demie, deux fois par jour. Trois heures de train sont bien deux heures de train de trop, à mon avis, pour se rendre à une corvée détestable.

Et encore, si le travail n’était pas si horrible, le trajet serait moins embêtant.

Je n’en peux plus.

Je suis à bout… fatiguée… épuisée… démoralisée…

Je ne vis plus, je survis.

Je voudrais avoir le temps et l’énergie de profiter de Fabrice, de revoir Julie, de fonder des amitiés, de prendre des photos et les travailler, de dessiner, d’écrire… Je n’ai même pas la force pour dormir.

Je vais écrire d’avantage demain.

Bon courage à vous, chers lecteurs.

Bridge Collapse

My sisters and I have all ALWAYS hated crossing highway bridges. This one, in particular, and even more so, for me, the one that spans the Minnesota river on 35W or even on Cedar Avenue.

Apparently our fears were well-founded!