Letter to a Love Lost
I hope this message finds you well.
I wanted to write and let you know that you're really someone special. You will always reside in a warm and cozy, loving and light-filled space in my heart. I sincerely wish you could have been part of my life. I wish even more that I hadn't been hurt and left behind.
I have a right to feel the way I do and to tell you that your choices and behaviors hurt me. As did A********'s.
I also have the right to forgive you. I can't move on unless I do. I have to feel all of the feelings, the anger and pain, the loneliness and self-deprecation, and the friendship and love that are forgiveness.
Forgiveness, you know, has very little to do with the person being forgiven. It has to do with you, the forgiver, your conscience, your spirit, and your well being. It has to do with friendship and love, of yourself, first and foremost.
Forgiving you doesn't mean that I can forget what happened, or that I can forget you.
Forgiving you doesn't condone the bad behaviors or undo the damage done.
But forgiveness is nonetheless a fantastic gift. It is a gift that I can give to myself for the pain I suffered in loving you. And it is a gift that I can give to you.
I am not sorry to have loved you. And I always will.
I am only sorry that I lost you, or that the time was wrong, or that you couldn't trust me to stand by you in your recovery. I am and always will be sorry for that loss. I believe that, in your heart of hearts, you understand and know that truth as well.
M***** moved out of the Sober Living Environment and into a room in a house. He's working full-time at a bakery in San Francisco . He is still sober: I think, since January 24, now. He is beginning the somewhat arduous process of Step 9 of the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. He is going to stay in the city until January, and then go back to college in February.
A friend of his, just a kid, was living in the same SLE. He had broken a few of the rules, like curfews and sleeping in, from what I gather. He wasn't the house manager's favorite. He overslept this weekend, and was kicked out. He overdosed on Heroin, Cocaine, and OxyContin.
He died.
All of everybody's choices have consequences. Good or bad.
Addiction is serious business.
I think of you often, and really hope that you are well and happy.
Take care of yourself, please.
I miss you.
I wanted to write and let you know that you're really someone special. You will always reside in a warm and cozy, loving and light-filled space in my heart. I sincerely wish you could have been part of my life. I wish even more that I hadn't been hurt and left behind.
I have a right to feel the way I do and to tell you that your choices and behaviors hurt me. As did A********'s.
I also have the right to forgive you. I can't move on unless I do. I have to feel all of the feelings, the anger and pain, the loneliness and self-deprecation, and the friendship and love that are forgiveness.
Forgiveness, you know, has very little to do with the person being forgiven. It has to do with you, the forgiver, your conscience, your spirit, and your well being. It has to do with friendship and love, of yourself, first and foremost.
Forgiving you doesn't mean that I can forget what happened, or that I can forget you.
Forgiving you doesn't condone the bad behaviors or undo the damage done.
But forgiveness is nonetheless a fantastic gift. It is a gift that I can give to myself for the pain I suffered in loving you. And it is a gift that I can give to you.
I am not sorry to have loved you. And I always will.
I am only sorry that I lost you, or that the time was wrong, or that you couldn't trust me to stand by you in your recovery. I am and always will be sorry for that loss. I believe that, in your heart of hearts, you understand and know that truth as well.
M***** moved out of the Sober Living Environment and into a room in a house. He's working full-time at a bakery in San Francisco . He is still sober: I think, since January 24, now. He is beginning the somewhat arduous process of Step 9 of the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. He is going to stay in the city until January, and then go back to college in February.
A friend of his, just a kid, was living in the same SLE. He had broken a few of the rules, like curfews and sleeping in, from what I gather. He wasn't the house manager's favorite. He overslept this weekend, and was kicked out. He overdosed on Heroin, Cocaine, and OxyContin.
He died.
All of everybody's choices have consequences. Good or bad.
Addiction is serious business.
I think of you often, and really hope that you are well and happy.
Take care of yourself, please.
I miss you.
posted by Nana @ 07:19
1 Comments:
At 31/8/07 04:27 ,
Julie Kertesz - me - moi - jk said...
Addiction is terrible.
But I think, for myself, it is enough to forgive ourself that once we loved the wrong man, which sometimes takes longer time and is more difficult.
After that, we can more easy forget if not forgive someone who was nusty or not right for us and hurt us.
Just personal opinion, or experience. Forgiving myself closing my eyes was not always easy, or believing when others knew and told me othervise.
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