Slowly Making Progress

I am slowly pulling out of my depression, that was absolutely TERRIBLE in France. I am taking medication, and am going to go back to see a psychiatrist as soon as I have US insurance, which should be in the next couple of weeks. I don't really like Texas, it's too hot. And San Antonio has no trees.

But, if they send Fabrice to Iraq, I may go back to CA, without him, somewhere up in the Bay Area, I don't know. It'll depend.

I feel rather lost. To be married to Fabrice, I lost everything, my home, my job, my friends, except my REAL friends, and my children. M wants to live in Wisconsin, which is fine, but a loss nonetheless. MK says he's doing well, but.... My father hasn't spoken to me in a year. Altogether, I feel like I have nothing, and am nothing in all of this. All the money I'd saved up has been spent on getting a green card, clothes for M, attorneys, and living here until Fabrice enlists. I know I have to get over myself. And I am WAAAY better than I was in France. What with the weather and darkness there, I spent well over six weeks not even getting out of bed. Now I get up, bathe and get dressed every day, and even go places. But our rental car's an automatic, and everything is a highway here, so I don't want to drive in this town. It's crazy!!!!

I haven't been in the pictures because I gained weight during that time. Not for any other reason. I will have a couple taken today and send them. My sisters even commented to M that I had gained weight, but that I had never seemed happier or more stable. I am more stable, more comfortable and at ease. But I don't like that I gained weight. And I kind of feel like I have lost myself in all of this, and I am now nothing more than M's absent mother or Fabrice's babysitter/translator/wife. As soon as he is squared away, I need to do something just for me.