I Gathered My Wits About Me.......

....and attempted to provide a thoughtful, caring response:

I think that, whether you accept it or not, even an "addiction" to a feeling is an addiction. With the family histories in every single branch of your family, the genetic component to addiction, its relationship to ADHD, etc., this is a problem that needs to be addressed.

I am not convinced that you are equipped to deal with this on your own or in France. I have thought for some time now that you should go to a rehab program/facility with a structured and successful aftercare program.

I understand your not wanting a UI Hospital or Four Oaks experience, but this is not the same thing. This kind of program is designed to give you, as an adult, the tools you need to cope and succeed without the need for drugs or alcohol to help you or to make you feel better. The program is designed to strengthen your personal resources by building upon your own skills so that you can take care of yourself, make sound decisions, etc. It is not a psychiatric care facility, like the hospital was. It is not a residential treatment facility for "problem children," like Four Oaks was. It is not a foster home. It is a "school," if you will, where you will be taught what triggers certain feelings, what causes you to feel like you are not in control of yourself or your life, etc., and what you can do about those thoughts and feelings so that you do not resort to drinking or smoking anything.

Personally, I think it will be better to take care of this now, once and for all, than to postpone it, even if it is all inconvenient for other people. You have to take care of yourself, as a person, before you can be successful in school or in life in general.

I am leaving work in about an hour and a half. I come in by 7 in the morning, so I won't have to take any leave time. I will call as soon as I talk to him more.

I love you.

Love,

Mom

To which I added, emphatically,

A friend of mine, who spent a month at Camp Recovery, has also told me about programs they have at the hospital, here in town, several of which are outpatient.

No matter what, I love you, and my trying to help you is out of that. I honestly do not believe that you can tolerate a year studying in France, where so many people, especially young people, are alcoholics. I think that your email asking for help is the one to act upon. The more time you let pass between making the decision to get your mental health and chemical issues under control and actually taking proactive measures, the more likely you are to slip away and not get the help you need.

I truly want you to come here, take a year off from school, get into a recovery program and learn what to do to help yourself be the intelligent successful man that you are meant to be.

I don't want you to wind up like A, or G, or P, or M, or my uncle C, or my cousin, C, or my paternal grandparents, or your father's father's family, etc., etc., etc.

Please, if ever there was a time to listen to your mother, that time is now.

Love,

Mom

I had no idea whether my feeble attempts at getting through to my child were working.

I di not know what else to do.