He Started Back-Paddling...

... im ok with you but im gonna give it one more chance. im not going to
leave france this quickly. ive talked to my dad about it and were going
to see if i cant work it out here (and i know i cant work everything out
this year but i can still try, meaning that i can see if i can at least
quell the problem for another year which ive been doing for several years,
than in a place where a lot more young people are alcoholics even than in
france (ie college where EVERYONE drinks 2-5 times a week to get wasted).
realize that me coming back now means sacrificing 5,000-6,000 dollars on
the spot. and i dont know what camp recovery costs but in general in
minnesota, in-patient rehab is between 15 and 30 thousand dollars for one
month, so its not exactly cheap. were counting between 20 and 40 grand
for the whole cost. i know theres no way i can afford this and even with
your new job this is definitly not something you can afford, dont worry i
always keep you updated. and like i said its not something that a detox
clnic will solve honestly, its more therapy that i need. one on one
talking sessions where i can figure out what it is that i need
specifically.

Somewhere along the line, I called my father and his girlfriend to get their advice. My son having spent so much time with them, I thought it wise to alert them to the crisis that was a-brewing.

That did not make the boy particularly happy with me,

thanks a lot. did you really have to talk to denise and papy. i think
that its best if we dont talk for a while. if everything i say you feel
the need to go and tell them then there is no point in me talking to you.
goodbye.

and obviously they needed to find out at some point but i wanted to handle
it a little more strategically. and theres no need to go tatteling on me
to them about this note or the previous one, unless of course betraying my
trust is something that gets you off......

To which I tried to respond as calmly as I could,

You are truly being unreasonable here. It is not necessary to take this attitude with me. I did not do anything wrong. I did not "betray" you in any way. You did something wrong and you betrayed yourself with your behaviors, and now, with your attitude towards M, towards me, and towards yourself in your unwillingness to accept the consequences for your choices. My primary goal is to help you. It always has been. I have made plenty of mistakes, but that does not give you the right to "speak to" me in this manner.

I needed to have full information in order to do what is best for you. I do not feel the need to tell P and D everything you say, but this issue is long-lasting, a major problem, and extraordinarily important, and all of your "parents" need to work together in your best interest on this. It is for that reason, actually, that I am CC-ing P and D on this email.

I don't feel that you are giving me credit or even trying to understand either how your behaviors affect other people or how you're hurting yourself both with the addictions and with the way you treat people who love you and are trying to help you.

If you don't want to talk to me anymore, that is your decision. Just please understand that you need to accept responsibility for your mistakes and for the way you treat other people. You need to accept the natural consequences for those mistakes, and, if you treat people badly or unfairly, you must realize that they will not continue to go out of their way to help you. As you like to tell people, you are an adult. If you want to do what you did with your brother and M, and then turn against me for not covering things up for you, then you cannot expect me to continue to try to bail you out, and you must realize that your behavior, your attitude and your words are very hurtful and upsetting.

Love,

Mom

It was getting harder and harder to help him. In fact, at that point, he certainly did not appear to want my help.

I was at a loss, one more time.

But it wasn't about me. It wasn't my story. So I just kept on being there. It was all that I knew how to do.

He said,

as i said in my second email i did not expect you to cover it up. i
wanted to approach the issue myself rather than have denise and papy find
out second hand. im not trying to conver things up or avoid
responsibility but I would like to be given the chance to approach this
problem myself rather than have you go behind my back to resolve it for
me.

And then,

i guess i really am a lost cause. have a wonderful life, prolly will be a
lot smoother without me. a dieu

Which I really did not understand.