Letter to my Ex's Wife
The best number to reach me at now and for the next couple of weeks is: ###-###-####, then when the recording starts, enter ####, and it will go straight to the room.
Unfortunately, Fabrice wants to stay here for now and try to get a job. Between what happened with John, what happened with the Army, and missing M, I want to go back to France like we had planned when he was in OK. But he wants to give it every chance he can, so that, if we do go back, he can say that he did everything he could and that it just didn't work out. I can understand his reasoning, but didn't want people I wasn't following through with our stated plans. This has caused more than a bit of strife in our relationship, I must say!!!
I will still come to M's graduation, if I possibly can. I want to more than anything, but my economic stimulus check has been delayed because I am one of the idiots who had Turbotax take the fees out of my refund. I thought it would be direct deposited on May 9. Instead I will get a check mailed on June 6. For the time being, my unemployment has been denied, but I am appealing it. Fabrice doesn't have a job. The savings I had are all gone, between attorney's fees, trying to get to where Fabrice needed to be for the Army, and just plain living, and now we are living on borrowed time and borrowed money. If I can't come, could you please take lots of videos and pictures for me? Thank you.
So, my permanent address will remain:
France
But I can be reached here in CA at the number above, or on my cell phone (which I prefer to use after 7, CA time, and on weekends, only), ###-###-####.
As soon as Fabrice has a job with insurance coverage here, or we are back in France, I am going into the hospital for a couple of weeks to get a grip on my depression, anxiety, and OCD. The medications and individual weekly therapy aren't doing me much good anymore I feel like it's been just one blow after another - my Mom's passing away, having to leave CA to be with my husband, not liking France, being served by John and having to deal with the legal discussions of something I'd already agreed to, moving around for Fabrice to join the Army, having that not work out at all, his parents' stress at what happened to him, missing M, and not expecting the stomach-punching pain of the void she has left in my life here in CA. Which makes me think of my Mom. Which makes me think of other losses, and then I start to spiral.
See, I had not lived with her in France, or TX, so the void wasn't as marked, but I have lived with her here, and it is unbearable. I miss my Mom, too, and my sisters, and, oftentimes, this all combines to be just too much for me to handle well. But I hope you all understand that getting treatment for this medical problem is not a reason to deny me the very little amount of time I have asked to be able to spend with her in my home. I will have finished the inpatient part of the program by then, and will be seeing someone regularly so that I don't spiral into despair. If we go back to France, which is what I am hoping for, but is not Fabrice's wish, my primary care doctor who has been in charge of this and will continue to be is Dr. L D-V in Salemoutiers. He already had me take time off for this last winter when the effects of SAD set in, and I was in terrible physical and emotional pain. Right now, he is treating me from afar until we either get insurance here or go back to France.
All I want is 2 months every summer and 2 weeks every winter break. And this summer, 2008, I'd be willing to settle for one month, so long as it takes place where I am living. The added stress of flying, which became more and more of a panic issue for me as my mother worsened and passed away, is really more than I can handle right now. I just want to spend good, quality time with my daughter, in my home, please, that's all I am asking. I have a right to see her. And I will never, ever keep her anywhere that she does not want to be. She has made it more than crystal clear that she wants to go to high school in Wausau, and that's okay.
The depression, anxiety, OCD, and SAD I suffer from, are medical ailments, and should not prevent me from participating in M's life or spending the time I am requesting with her. They are now better and no worse than alcoholism or drug addiction, which I don't suffer from, thank goodness. But not getting the appropriate treatment is like not giving a diabetic insulin, so it's what I have to do to continue to be a good me, a good wife, and a good Mom, and to continue to spend the 2 weeks in December/January at my home and 3 months in the summer at my home that I have asked for. Even convicted criminals who have done their time are entitled to that!!!
Anyway, please keep me posted on M's surgery, and tell her that I love her and think of her all the time.
All I want from you is to be allowed time with my daughter at my home, after I get my depression and associated distresses under proper care and control, and your continued cooperation, openness, and honesty in coparenting M. Please.
Unfortunately, Fabrice wants to stay here for now and try to get a job. Between what happened with John, what happened with the Army, and missing M, I want to go back to France like we had planned when he was in OK. But he wants to give it every chance he can, so that, if we do go back, he can say that he did everything he could and that it just didn't work out. I can understand his reasoning, but didn't want people I wasn't following through with our stated plans. This has caused more than a bit of strife in our relationship, I must say!!!
I will still come to M's graduation, if I possibly can. I want to more than anything, but my economic stimulus check has been delayed because I am one of the idiots who had Turbotax take the fees out of my refund. I thought it would be direct deposited on May 9. Instead I will get a check mailed on June 6. For the time being, my unemployment has been denied, but I am appealing it. Fabrice doesn't have a job. The savings I had are all gone, between attorney's fees, trying to get to where Fabrice needed to be for the Army, and just plain living, and now we are living on borrowed time and borrowed money. If I can't come, could you please take lots of videos and pictures for me? Thank you.
So, my permanent address will remain:
France
But I can be reached here in CA at the number above, or on my cell phone (which I prefer to use after 7, CA time, and on weekends, only), ###-###-####.
As soon as Fabrice has a job with insurance coverage here, or we are back in France, I am going into the hospital for a couple of weeks to get a grip on my depression, anxiety, and OCD. The medications and individual weekly therapy aren't doing me much good anymore I feel like it's been just one blow after another - my Mom's passing away, having to leave CA to be with my husband, not liking France, being served by John and having to deal with the legal discussions of something I'd already agreed to, moving around for Fabrice to join the Army, having that not work out at all, his parents' stress at what happened to him, missing M, and not expecting the stomach-punching pain of the void she has left in my life here in CA. Which makes me think of my Mom. Which makes me think of other losses, and then I start to spiral.
See, I had not lived with her in France, or TX, so the void wasn't as marked, but I have lived with her here, and it is unbearable. I miss my Mom, too, and my sisters, and, oftentimes, this all combines to be just too much for me to handle well. But I hope you all understand that getting treatment for this medical problem is not a reason to deny me the very little amount of time I have asked to be able to spend with her in my home. I will have finished the inpatient part of the program by then, and will be seeing someone regularly so that I don't spiral into despair. If we go back to France, which is what I am hoping for, but is not Fabrice's wish, my primary care doctor who has been in charge of this and will continue to be is Dr. L D-V in Salemoutiers. He already had me take time off for this last winter when the effects of SAD set in, and I was in terrible physical and emotional pain. Right now, he is treating me from afar until we either get insurance here or go back to France.
All I want is 2 months every summer and 2 weeks every winter break. And this summer, 2008, I'd be willing to settle for one month, so long as it takes place where I am living. The added stress of flying, which became more and more of a panic issue for me as my mother worsened and passed away, is really more than I can handle right now. I just want to spend good, quality time with my daughter, in my home, please, that's all I am asking. I have a right to see her. And I will never, ever keep her anywhere that she does not want to be. She has made it more than crystal clear that she wants to go to high school in Wausau, and that's okay.
The depression, anxiety, OCD, and SAD I suffer from, are medical ailments, and should not prevent me from participating in M's life or spending the time I am requesting with her. They are now better and no worse than alcoholism or drug addiction, which I don't suffer from, thank goodness. But not getting the appropriate treatment is like not giving a diabetic insulin, so it's what I have to do to continue to be a good me, a good wife, and a good Mom, and to continue to spend the 2 weeks in December/January at my home and 3 months in the summer at my home that I have asked for. Even convicted criminals who have done their time are entitled to that!!!
Anyway, please keep me posted on M's surgery, and tell her that I love her and think of her all the time.
All I want from you is to be allowed time with my daughter at my home, after I get my depression and associated distresses under proper care and control, and your continued cooperation, openness, and honesty in coparenting M. Please.
posted by Nana @ 07:28
1 Comments:
At 20/5/08 00:15 ,
Julie Kertesz - me - moi - jk said...
I do agree with Fabrice on this one: try to give a chance to living there and not give up so easy or fast!
Life is not easy, but instead of looking at the grey parts, try to look of all the luck you had lately!
And he does need your support, your continued support! Not easy, but try to think about that. Your daugther also will have you nearer even if not all there! And the summer arriving soon.
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